Puzzles

My sweet little guy has amazed us so much this year. What he accomplished in 5 months at Shape of Behavior takes some kids years. He is smart. He is joyful. He is eager to please. And he is about to go through another transition.

Change is hard on all of us, but it is especially hard for a child with Autism. So much of Clay's happiness and stability depends on continuity, structure, and routine. Just the past week of his normal routine being interrupted by birthdays, presents, Christmas, vacation, and visitors has rocked his stable foundation. His "behaviors" that are most often associated with Autism seem more pronounced and more frequent. I am praying (and I ask you to join me) that the next few weeks of change will be gentle and easy for him and us.

We have decided that Clay is ready for some new challenges. After much discussion, prayer, research, and questioning all parties, we have decided to enroll Clay in Katy ISD's Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities (PPCD). He will go to an elementary school from 8:30-11:30 where he'll be in a class with about 13 other students with varying disabilities. Some have Autism, some have Down's Syndrome, some just have a significant speech delay. He has one lead teacher and two aides. Their goal is to continue to incorporate Clay into the day-to-day routine of school and prepare him for kindergarten. The PPCD evaluation team as well as his therapists at Shape, Trent and I all agree that Clay needs more interaction with neurotypical peers. For this reason we will also enroll him at St. Peter's Early Childhood Development Center (ECDC). This is the pre-school at our church where I also teach. You may remember that Clay went for a month in September when we thought we weren't going to have ABA coverage. So, what does this dual enrollment look like?

Clay will go to PPCD on MWF from 8:30-11:30. A bus will bring him to ECDC for lunch and naptime sine I work on those days. Tuesdays and Thursdays he will be at ECDC for a full day. This not only allows him the interaction with his neurotypical peers, but it also allows us to keep his OT schedule the same, and over time will allow us to add even more OT to help him with his sensory and motor skills. The good news is that if we feel at any time that Clay is regressing or not progressing the way he should, we can put him back at Shape, but we feel at this time that we need to try something new to broaden his horizons and expose him to more.

All of this sounds great, so why am I terrified? I am terrified because change is hard on me, too. I know what to expect when I drop him off at Shape every day. I know how much they love my child and I know how much he loves them. I know in detail what they are teaching him and I know in detail how he is responding. I know that he is comfortable there and I know that he feels safe. I don't know if all of his new teachers will love him the way he is loved at Shape. I don't know if they will be able to understand that a lot of his "cute behaviors" are ones that need to be corrected and extinguished. I don't know if they will understand that his screams and outbursts aren't typical three year old tantrums, but they are out of his control and a result of overstimulation and sensory overload. I won't know how his day was when I pick him up because he can't communicate his fears, his anxieties, his joys, or his triumphs. There is so much I don't know, and so much that they will have to learn.

An Autism diagnosis gave us a lot of opportunities and opened the door for so many more options for Clay, but it did not come with an instruction manual. Autism effects every child differently. There is no road map here. So much is unknown and that scares the hell out of me. I so desperately want to make sure that I am providing my child with everything he needs at the right time, in the right order, with the right people. The truth of the matter is, I don't know what the right timing is, what the right order is, or who the right people are. I just have to go with my gut and pray that my instincts are correct. I have to listen to the experts that we have surrounded ourselves with and trust that the advice they are giving me is the best for MY child. What works for one won't necessarily work for him. The truth is that we don't know the answer. We don't know if this is the right plan. We don't know what comes next. This is trial and error. We have to figure it out step by step, day by day, task by task. If something doesn't work, we try again from a different angle.

People who have met me in the past year or so say things like, "You are the most patient person I have ever met." People who have known me my whole life laugh hysterically when I tell them that people have said this. The truth is, I have never been patient, nor do I deal well with change. I prayed daily for patience for many years.

And then God gave me Clay.

The universal symbol for Autism is a puzzle piece. Sort of ironic that my sweet Clay loves puzzles. Sometimes you find that your piece fits perfectly with another piece. Most of the time you find that your piece isn't a fit and you have to keep looking. We found that our piece locked in perfectly with Shape of Behavior. But that is just one small piece of the big puzzle. We are hoping for a complete picture one day. We have to keep looking for the other pieces.